Answers to Leadership Questions

Do you have a problem or question...

... that's really giving you a hard time? Well, you're not the first and you surely won't be the last. Youth leaders have plenty to keep them guessing!

This is the page to come to for help with those nagging problems

If you're having a hard time with some area of youth leadership, you will be able to post a questions on this page. Then, leaders from all around the world will be able to pitch in with their answers. Chances are someone, somewhere has found a solution to your problem. And their suggestions might just be the answers you were looking for?

Just click on the links below to see some questions and answers to common problems in youth ministry.

To submit a question or an answer, send an email to answers (at) sltn (dot) com.

Discipline

1. How do I deal with inappropriate touching and suggestive talk?
2. How do you respond to openly disrespectful teenagers?
3. How do I encourage unity and discourage the students' teasing and isolating one another?
4. How do I discipline and still keep students attending and participating with a positive attitude?
5. What should we do about couples in our youth group showing PDA?
6. What do we do about those in our youth group that we know are doing wrong?
7. I can't seem to keep "student" from disrupting class on Sundays. What can I do?
8. How do I discipline student who are out of control in class?
9. How do I enforce an act of discipline?
10. How do I handle disruptive kids?
11. How do I discipline teenagers in Sunday School?

Teaching and General Leadership

New! Where does the Bible talk about premarital sex?

1. How can I teach my youth about Islam?
2. How can we get more senior high youth involved?
3. How can I get our kids more excited about worship?
4. What is the best way to get students to commit to something?
5. What do I do if they don't listen to me (i.e., They talk while I am teaching)?
6. What if I don't know enough about the Bible? (i.e., I don't know the answers to their questions.)
7. How do I handle counseling situations?
8. How do I get students to get focused on the lesson? How do I get students to share more during small group times?
9. How do I address the problems that youth have and still stay with the Bible study lesson?
10. What do you do to encourage parents to be involved in their kid's life when they say they are "too busy" or "not interested?"
11. How do you hold the attention of both junior high and high school students in the same session? How do you make the topics relate to both age groups? Also, to both sexes?
12. What do we do to get the core kids to accept new kids into the group? How can I get the group united?
13. How can I get students to engage in discussion during Sunday School?
14. How can you keep kids interested in an ordinary church of today in a remote place like mine?
15. How do I keep Junior High boys interested in the Sunday School lesson?
16. What can we do to motivate students to have quiet times and personal Bible study? (especially junior high students)

Leaders

1. How do we get adults involved in leading and training youth?
2. What do I do with young adults who have recently graduated from high school and still want to be involved with the youth ministry?

Culture and Relationships

1. How much do I need to be in their world (style, music, movies) to be able to understand and minister to them?
2. How do I get involved with youth? I've never worked with youth before.
3. How do I develop personal relationships with all of my youth?
4. What if I can't relate to them?
5. How do I get past the age barrier?

Evangelism and Ministry

1. How can we get our youth to bring their friends?
2. Why don't our youth get more excited about witnessing to their friends?
3. What do I say to youth who are grieving over a death?
4. How can I set up a parent ministry with only four youth coming to church with the parents coming to chruch as well?
5. How do you reach the so-called "popular kids?" Their influence can be good and bad.

Discipline

• "Girls are pink and guys are blue. Pink and blue together makes purple. Don't make purple." We've all heard this saying. Sometimes it can work. The key is to establish rules that are known to the youth as well as teachers and parents. Times to address this:

  1. At parent meetings (talk to parents about individuals).
  2. At Sunday School teacher's meetings
  3. Before we go on trips to camp or conferences.
  4. After Wednesday night (last 10 minutes). Separate guys and girls and make it known.
  5. During a message on Wednesday night or whenever you have your youth worship service, that deals with the subject of holiness and purity.
  6. True Love Waits emphasis. (Larry Morrison, Tuscaloosa, AL)

• Make students aware of talk that is inappropriate. Some teens don't live in Christian families that teach the difference. They don't realize that the word "sucks" comes from a sexual connotation. It's a part of the language culture of the day.

• Above all, show them love. When we allow our talk to become disrespectful because of someone else's disrespect, we are not allowing the love of God to be shown to them. (Larry Morrison, Tuscaloosa, AL)
• Let them know (be honest) that you love them and are glad they are there, but you will not allow them to show disrespect toward anyone in the group. If they continue, then there will be a meeting set up with their parents or they will be asked to leave until they can control their attitudes.
• Realize and try to deal with the reasons for their disrespectful attitudes. You never know why they are acting the way they are until you talk to them. Maybe they want some attention, and that is the only way they know to get it.
  

• Schedule activities that involve team building skills and have a set of rules that key in on edification of others in their group. If teasing is a big problem, take them aside and mention their attitude toward that fellow student.
• Use a good dose of "affirmation." Remind students of whom their peers are in Christ, as well as whom they are themselves. Remembering and recognizing that those same truths apply to the other students in the room may eliminate some of the problems with easing and isolation. (Sarah Stringer, Baton Rouse, LA)
  

• Perhaps "discipline" is the wrong idea. Rather than constantly pointing out students' wrongs, on an individual basis (especially calling youth out by name in front of the group), perhaps we should address general, widespread behavior problems in a group setting. Speak to the group as a whole (although it may still be necessary to pull certain "ring leaders" aside or address serious behavior problems on an individual basis). Either way, this should not become a constant focus on the negative that the students would confuse as "griping" or "nagging." Instead, the youth minister should seek to affirm the students and remind them of whom they are in Christ (or could be in the case of new Christians), pointing out their strengths rather than their weaknesses. Neil Anderson, in his book Victory over the Darkness, says that it is impossible for us to consistently behave in a way that contracicts what we believe about ourselves. If we affirm those appropriate behaviors and encourage the youth, constantly reminding them of their identity in Christ and of the fact that they are empowered by the Holy Spirit to live a godly life, we will (hopefully) see that thinking become a part of the student's self-perception which will be reflectied in their behaviors and attidudes. Thus, rather than "discipline," the idea becomes "affirmation" and "behavior modification." (Sarah Stringer, Baton Rouge, LA)
  

• Define the different types of love. Show them that what they feel for their boyfriend/girlfriend is not appropriate to display publicly. Teach them about what these things can lead to. Set standards in your youth group. (Sammy Smith, DeQuincy, LA)
  

• Confront their problems with love and grace. Always talk with them away from their peers. (Sammy Smith, DeQuincy, LA)

• Get with the kid one on one and help him understand the problem. Try to get him involved in the lesson. Try various creative teaching techniques. (Donnie Hatcher, Mobile, AL)
  

• Try not to have any breaks in the class. Don't have any lulls in class. Vary activities instead of a rigid schedule. (Kristi Poole, Powder Spring, GA)
  

• Allow the student a couple of warnings. Warn in class, and then pull them aside with another teacher. If it continues, either approach the youth minister or contact the parents in their Sunday School or at home. (Lucas Biggs, Spearman, TX)
  

• Address the situation before it happens. Set the expectations before the kids. (Kevin Miles, Morgan, TX)
  

• Give the student a warning. If problems persist, one of the teachers or the director should pull the student aside to tell him or her the behavior is unacceptable. If it still persists, go get that student's parents.
• A good relationship between the teacher and the student is the best preventive. Build relationships outside of the class and see if this doesn't help. (Matt Cornelius, Dallas, TX)
  

Teaching and General Leadership

• One question we have heard a number of students ask of their parents and friends is where in the Bible does it say God forbids sex before marriage and where does it explain why. We have some scripture passages, such as the one in Paul's letters that says flee from sexual immorality. We would welcome any advice or suggestions. (Thanks, Gary Carroll, Frankfurt, Germany)
  
  To respond to this question, click here to send an email with your answers.

• Challenge them to research it. Find out how it began. Help them discover the differences between Islam and Christianity. Send them out to libraries to research on their own. Have a question and answer panel one night with someone who has converted from Islam to Christianity. (Karen Bosarge, Greenwood, SC)
  

• Parent training. Teach parents to instill value in kids. Give ownership and leadership to the senior high kids so they see themselves as role models. Begin small groups and events just for senior high students so they feel that they are valued. (Donnie Hatcher, Mobile, AL)
• Train youth while they are young. Encourage parents to require their children to attend church until they are out of the house. Give ownership to older youth and challenge them with specific goals of participation. (Ben Helton, Arlington, TX)
• Get older youth involved with planning and teaching. The older youth could lead Bible studies or teach 7th and 8th grade Sunday School classes. Better yet, let the older kids mentor the younger as big brothers and sisters. (Daryl Hunter, Terre Haute, IN)
  

• Teach and model worship. You hve to put a focus on worship, not on games, etc. (Donnie Hatcher, Mobile, AL)
  

• Have an attendance policy for the ministry team, etc. (Paul Stohler, Spring, TX)
  

• A general rule for classroom discipline is be proactive instead of reactive. You could pull them aside before or after class. Focus on the important matters. You could pull them out of class and talk to them alone if the situation is really bad. (Thomas Ramey, Warrenton, VA)
  

• Say, "I don't know." Then go find out and get back to them. Don't be afraid to admit that you don't have all the answers. (Thomas Ramey, Warrenton, VA)
  

• If it needs to be addressed immediately, take time before or after calss with the student. Make sure to follow up with the youth minister or your pastor. If you don't feel comfortable about the situation, contact someone else if it's OK'd by the student. (Lucas Biggs, TX)
  

• Come in excited. Let the students feel like you are bringing your best to the lesson. Also, let them see you out where they are during the week. This way they know that you care about them. (Ryan Hall, Lufkin, TX)
  

• Try to tie the lesson with problems you are aware of. If the topic is too serious or personal, then address it later privately with the student. (Kevin Miles, Morgan, TX)
  

• Parent training and encouragement is key in getting and keeping youth involved in the church, especially after it's "not cool" to go to church anymore.
• Hold activities that involve (and interest) both parents and the youth. Plan family outings, trips, picnics, Bible study groups. Put an emphasis on how family comes second only to God. Display this in your life by showing how important family is to yhour life. (Sheri Pape, Jackson, MS)
  

• Give a sense of ownership to the youth workers.
• Show them who God is, and what He is about. Don't just involve them in fun, involve them in God-centered activities like worship, Bible study and prayer. have a true passion and fire in our own life. Fire ignites fire! Don't just be the youth leader or minister, be and example. Tell stories of what God is doing in your life. Share your struggles and your pain. Be "real" in the eyes of your youth. Show them who god is in your life, and who He can be for them. (Sheri Pape, Jackson, MS)
  

• This is a matter of ownership.
• Get the youth to take ownership of the youth ministry. Get them involved in planing, leading, and taking an active role in the ministry. (Robert Clay, Duncanville, TX)
  

• Ask questions that are open-ended and call for more than just a "yes" or "no." Ask questions that are directed toward the kids. Then allow time for answers and have activities in mind that will follow the discussion. (Robert Clay, Duncanville, TX)
• Have students work in small groups exchanging ideas and thoughts with each other reather than in a classroom setting.
  

• Remind them that God moves in different ways. Use a variety of approaches, different hymns, choruses, sermons, etc.
• Remind them that church is not like youth camp every week. (Jonathan Crosby, Dumas, MS)
  

• Remember that their attention span is pretty short. Use active learning methods instead of expecting them to sit for long periods of time.
  

• Use biblical examples of Jesus having "alone times" with God. Talk about personal experiences in quiet time and Bible study. Initiate accountability groups that encourage quiet time and Bible study. (Brandon Lewis, Winnsboro, LA)
  

Leaders

• Explain that it's not just babysitting. Give a seminar explaining how kids/youth learn and that they (adults) should want to mentor the youth. (Daryl Hunter, Terre Haute, IN)
  

• You have to set a minimum age for any youth workers and stick with it. The young adults should talk with the pastor or Sunday School teacher about where they could fit in classes in the church. (Patrick Alexander, Southaven, MS)
• Set the age limit for youth to participate. (No one over 18, for example.) Have a meeting with recent graduates and the college teacher. (Paul Stohler, Spring, TX)
  

Culture and Relationships

• Of course, we need to understand the culture in which youth live. This can be done by reading through some current fan magazines. We do not have to actually be involved in cultural activities that would compromise our Christian faith (drinking, drugs, etc.). We don't have to listen to their type of music all the time, but we do need to keep up with what they listen to. This might mean listening to a popular group or individual, but at a level in which we do not allow any unwholesome thing to come into our life. Use the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Hanging out with youth at school, non-church events, and sports events can help in understanding how teenagers live and think. (Larry Morrison, Tuscaloosa, AL)
  

• Invite these leaders to a youth Bible study. Have them ask youth questions like, "What are some needs of teenagers? What are some spiritual needs of teenagers today?" Allow them to build relationships with the youth before they become actively involved with the youth. (Karen Bosarge, Greenwood, SC)
  

• Getting to know them, their friends, parents, their dreams, and frustrations is so important. Attending their special events makes them feel special. You can develop these relationship by spending time with them, especially their special events like sports or awards ceremonies. (Karen Bosarge, Greenwood, SC)
  

• Encourage the worker to hang in there. Tell them that anytime they move into a new situation there are incertainties. Let the worker know that God does not waste experiences, and all they have gone through will help them relate. Remind them that relationships take time to build, so be patient and establish rapport. (JoLynn Prochaska, Myrtle Beach, SC)
  

• Show them that you care. It doesn't matter about your age when you love them. Don't try to be their buddy because you're really not. (Kristi Poole, Powder Spring, GA)
  

Evangelism and Ministry

• Give youth responsibilities so they can have ownership. they will invite their friends to "their" events or "their" services. (Donnie Hatcher, Mobile, AL)
  

• They may misunderstand the concept. Maybe they've never done effective witnessing. Try creative witnessing techniques. (Donnie Hatcher, Mobile, AL)
  

• Listen! Listen above all and allow them to express their thoughts and feelings. Recognize them as valid, as this helps them move through the grieving process. Let them know that it will take time and that they will mvoe throuch stages. Be sensitive to special holidays and anniversaries that the youth can connect/relate to the death. (JoLynn Prochaska, Myrtle Beach, SC)
  

• Start with a parent/youth retreat. Keep parents up to date with the culture and with youth events going on with students at the church. (Patrick Alexander, Southaven, MS)
  

• Let kids know of their influence with their peers. Others are watching them on and off the field. (Jonathan Crosby, Dumas, MS)